The article below is drawn from many books as well as scientific articles about the difference between male vs female psychology in relationships. I also only write this article after I have achieved certain success in applying this insight to my daily life. Hopefully, it can more or less help you improve your emotional relationship, to understand each other and sympathize with each other more.
1. Biologically, there is absolutely no gender equality
Your mothers and even young sisters today, whether in Vietnam or around the world, are confused about the concept of “Gender Equality”. Gender equality is inherently the equality of the right to among men and women. When asking for gender equality, that is, asking for equality in promotion opportunities, or educational environment, or any other form of personal development in society. When we talk about equality, people think about legal rights.
However, the majority of women think that Gender equality means that whatever men do, they are also capable of doing so. This is very wrong because psychologically, men and women are two individuals with completely separate functions and ways of functioning, completely unrelated to equality or inequality (the issue) interest issues).
All other things being equal, if the average girl and the average boy are placed in the same nurturing environment, boys will inevitably demand more food, since the boy’s body consumes more food. energy faster. After both babies are fully developed (after puberty), it is always a boy who is stronger than a girl. And the girl, instinctively by nature, will take care of her child in a way that a man cannot imitate. It is a physiological difference between men and women. In this respect, men and women will NEVER be equal.
Saying this so that those who are reading this article can grasp it right from the start: it is not possible to impose what women think is normal/should do on men, and the opposite is also true.
Similarly psychologically, will be discussed in more detail in the following sections.
2. The difference in thinking
This difference is quite interesting. When approaching a problem, women want to express their feelings about the problem, and men will immediately think of finding a way to SOLVE the problem.
Once, my girlfriend and I were driving on the road when the car broke down. As soon as the car broke down, my girlfriend exclaimed, “Oh, it’s dead, what to do? It’s still a long way to go.” Her face showed concern and fear. I kept quiet to see what was wrong with the car. Seeing that I couldn’t fix it, I picked up the phone and called a friend nearby to ask him to help pull the car. I looked over and saw that her girlfriend was also calling her best friend. The 2 conversations go like this:
Me: Brother? My car is broken and cannot be repaired. He came over to pull the car for me.
Friend: Where are you?
Me: I’m at abc xyz
Friend: Wait for me 15 minutes.
Girlfriend: You? I’m having a car breakdown in the middle of the road.
Girlfriend: Go with your lover too. Fortunately, there are other people, but now it’s scary to be alone on the street.
Girlfriend: Haven’t eaten yet. Took a long time to get there. Have you eaten yet?
***And many other things that the two of them traded until my friend came to pull the machine and drove the two of us there. 90% of the arguments, breakups and even divorces of couples are because they don’t understand the fundamental difference in the way men and women think. Women think that men are heartless and refuse to listen to them. Men think that women talk a lot and talk in vain. If we understand this core point, it will be easier for the two sexes to sympathize with each other and know how to adjust.
3. A tangle of ropes and a multi-drawer cabinet
I still remember when I was in high school. One day, when I came back from extra school because I was tired, I went to my bedroom, intending to wake up soon to wash the leftover dishes from noon. My mother came home from work, saw the dishes and chopsticks were not washed, got angry, called me down to scold. My mother scolded me for not washing the dishes to not being responsible for the family, from then on to the fact that later on being born did not do any good (my mother spoke for almost half an hour, but I summarized the general outline as: so).
At that time, I did not understand why from such a small thing, my mother raised it to such a cosmic level? Later, after reading many books, I understood, thought back, and burst out saying “Oh! So that’s like!”
A woman’s brain is a tangled coil of wire, and a man’s brain is a cabinet with many compartments.
I read a lot of books and scientific articles with the same conclusion. The scientific explanation is quite lengthy, I would like to simply explain as follows:
A tangled coil, when we touch any part of the coil, all the rest will also vibrate. And this is exactly how a woman’s brain works. Just one small detail in the present is enough to stimulate their brains and link to all the other details, present or past as if it were all happening right in front of their eyes. And their emotions respond to those stimuli/vibrations. That’s why my mom can link forgetting to do the dishes with a bleak future, and my girlfriend can be smiling and remembering what happened 3 years ago and crying right away. This is because, from primitive times, nature has ordained that the female is responsible for nurturing and preserving the nest, while the male is responsible for providing food and protection. When taking on the task of raising children, there are many things that children have to pay attention to at the same time: keep the fire bright enough to drive out wild animals, the child is hungry, the child is not warm enough…etc…. The ability of one thing to link to another helps children to be able to perform well the tasks that nature has planned. This is also the reason why most women multitask better than men.
A cabinet has many compartments, each compartment is separate, so open one drawer and close the other without touching the other compartments. It’s the male brain doing its thing. Every problem, every job, every emotion, they have a separate compartment to put in. Whenever they mentioned it, they would just pull out the exact drawer that contained what they needed and leave the other drawers untouched, and then, when they were done, put it back in and close it. This explains why when there is a new problem, they say very little, because each drawer contains only enough information to solve the problem at hand. They don’t recall the past, they don’t wander off to other topics. They just want to SOLVE THE PROBLEM. This is a consequence of the evolution of nature. Nature assigns them hunting missions. To be able to hunt well, the male brain must pay attention to the prey, even wait for hours to focus on only one point to watch the other time to launch. To do that, they are forced to put all the noise that is not useful for hunting out of their heads, thereby forming the habit of focusing on the core of the problem in modern men.
At this point, when combined with an understanding of the fundamental difference in the way men and women think above, I hope that you and you can somewhat understand why both sexes agree. that the other person never said exactly what he was talking about. Simply because each gender places emphasis on what they say differently.
If you read this far, you must have guessed why we have such prejudices. Men are indifferent because they do not realize that a woman’s primary need is an emotional need. They always think that women’s needs are the same as theirs: to eat well, to dress well, to buy whatever they like – materialistic and practical. Their minds are so simple because from ancient times the only thing they thought about was hunting to provide for their nest. It is difficult for women to understand because when they say they provide too much information that is unnecessary or unrelated to what the man is approaching, making the man does not know what the woman really wants, thereby giving conclude that women are babbling or difficult to understand.
Understanding this, in order to avoid unnecessary quarrels or misunderstandings, both sexes must get involved. Men need to be more attentive to women’s emotional changes, and women need to be more explicit when expressing their needs. However, due to the inherently different nature of the two sexes, it will be difficult for men to understand women’s feelings 100%, just as women cannot always clearly state their intentions (if so, men will are no longer men, and women are no longer women). Therefore, frank communication with each other plus giving in will bring the best results. (to be continued)
4. Solve communication problems:
Men listen, women give ideas Women’s needs are psychological relief about problems, while men’s needs are to solve problems. Once that foundation is memorized, we will have a way for the two sexes to communicate with each other more smoothly and smoothly.
When a girl talks to you about something, remember, even though it sounds like she needs some advice, she’s really just looking for someone to let her off the hook. . In many of the cases that I personally interviewed, the women said, “At that time, I actually knew what I had to do. I am not retarded. It’s just that I’m so upset that I want to say it out loud.” So, in times like these, what you can (and should) do is listen. Suppress your instinct to come up with solutions. The mistake many men make is saying things like, “Oh, it’s okay to worry about nothing” or “Don’t worry. Worrying won’t solve anything!” Have you ever been sad, someone came to tell you not to be sad anymore, did you stop being sad right away? You just have to listen, and the woman will take care of the rest. Listening is also very important, and I will dedicate a part to it later. The important takeaway from this chapter is: Be a good listener. This will not only help the brothers improve their romantic relationships, but also help them be more successful at work.
Men in general, when facing difficulties, often want to be alone to think of solutions, because by nature they do not have the need to share their feelings, and they do not want to appear weak in front of them. his woman. The woman now has two choices: leave him alone and he will be fine (“fine” literally, not in the female sense), or come up with a solution to help her man. I can handle the problem, instead of asking him how upset he is. Just like above, women’s suggestions also need to be careful, because men are species with high self-esteem. I will also have a chapter to talk about this issue.
5. Learn to listen
Although I said above those men should learn this, this skill is important to everyone in general because overall, it is a useful communication skill that helps us bond with people. more around. Here I would like to talk specifically about how to listen to women.
the first and most important thing is sincerity. You really care about her, want to help her relieve her mind. While chances are, your man’s brain instinctively filters up to 90% of what she says out of your head, with sincerity it will be easier for you to empathize with her feelings, and she will accept your listening in the most comfortable way. On the contrary, they will realize that you are acting and are actually not listening (women are very sensitive and observant in such things).
Sometimes, Silence is all a woman wants from a man when she confides. Her emotions are already enough to take up the entire conversation by herself, you don’t need to say anything more.
There are times when a man’s questions are a trigger for a woman’s emotions, making it easier for them to “release the valve”. These questions also need to be delicate, because if you ask the wrong thing, you can easily drive the sisters crazy. Never ask “Do you want pizza?” when a girl says “I’m sad”. Ask questions related to women’s Emotions. For example, “So how are you feeling right now?” “You must feel awkward, right?” “Do you still hate people?” Just 12 or 2 questions like that is enough for them (women) to pour out a few more words. Refrain from giving personal opinions, unless asked directly.
Turn to her, look her straight in the eye, show her that you’re listening to her wholeheartedly. That way she will feel your respect for what she’s going through. Never watch TV, play on the computer or play with your phone and say “Where are you still listening to me”. Yes, you’re still hearing (you’re not deaf) but you don’t feel it. That’s what you guys need.
6. Learn to give feedback
As mentioned, self-esteem, or rather, the dignity of men is very high. The preference for men to despise women has existed for a long time and is still subtle in modern society. Therefore, men are more receptive to suggestions from their male friends than from the people they love. In order for her opinion to be accepted, women need to create respect in men. In happy times, or through casual communication situations, show him your flair, smart handling. When he’s in trouble, ask, “What do you think?” or “I have a suggestion, do you want to hear it?”, or, more subtle, “prompt without prompting,” which is to casually talk about something that you think might suggest something for you. him, let him think the rest.
Don’t immediately impose on him like “I have to do this, I have to do that”, and don’t ask “Do you need my help?”. For a man, that question proves one thing, that she sees him so pathetic that she reaches out her hand to help. Men’s narcissism then will definitely say “no”. Even if you’ve tactfully asked and he still wants to deal with it on his own, respect his decision.
7. In every man there is a woman, and in every woman, there is a man
What does that saying mean? That is, in every man, there are hidden qualities that most women have, that is sensitivity, is soft. And in every woman, there are hidden personalities that belong to men such as strong, decisive. The ideal man is a man with bravery, strong “for man” and knows how to balance with others. Inner woman, that is soft, psychological, sensitive, profound at the right time. The ideal woman is a gentle, delicate woman who “gives out a woman” but is also ready to be strong and decisive if needed. Almost no one reaches such perfection, but it is a milestone everyone should aim for if they want to improve themselves.
If circumstances cause the inner woman to grow up, losing the balance between the male nature and the inner self, men will begin to become what society often calls “woman”. Similarly, if a woman allows the man inside her to be larger than her female nature, she will gradually become a “steel woman”.
The consequences of this imbalance are enormous. Men “women” will lose respect for the other due to the loss of their bravery and masculine demeanor. The “steel woman” who can support her family by herself will invisibly threaten the manhood of the opponent, make the opponent feel inferior, or give birth to resistance, thereby leading to scoldings. Unreasonable taunts to comfort wounded self-esteem. My parents are a prime example of this.
My father, after my mother gave birth to me – the second child, moved to the south to live for a few years. My mother’s best friend returned to her husband’s house in another city, established a career when she did not know anyone and took care of two children alone for a long time. That circumstance made the man in my mother growing up. She forced herself to be strong to overcome difficulties when her husband was not around. Must be decisive and decisive to teach children to be human in the absence of the strictness of the father. Until my father came back, there were 2 tigers in the house sitting on the same mountain, so the conflict was constant. Sometimes after my mother became the breadwinner in the house, the woman in my father grew up. When things go wrong, my father is the one who curses and nags the most, and my mother only works hard to find a solution. In the end, the two had to divorce because they couldn’t stand each other anymore.
Saying this so that you and the sisters need to know your limits. So listening doesn’t mean sitting around all the time. So commenting does not mean that everything is jumping to solve it. Women – Know how to caress your man’s bravery, and Men – know how to soothe the sensitive soul of your woman. Know how to keep the balance between inner and nature. Let’s talk a little bit about the common problem. The working culture in Vietnam is to sign contracts on the drinking table. In Vietnam, refusing to go out for a drink or even a cigarette can determine your level of success at work. So I know there are many brothers, even though they don’t want to drink, they have to drink. If they don’t want to go, they have to go, even though their hearts just want to be with their wives and children. Therefore, mothers and sisters should sometimes sympathize with their brothers and sisters when they have to go to work.